Growing up, I had a problem with pornography. I never struggled with alcohol, drugs, bad language, etc. I think the first time I was exposed to it was at a friend’s house in junior high. His dad had magazines and they were in a place where he could get them, so we would look at them when nobody was around. After I was exposed to that, it was something that became a big struggle. As I grew older, pornography on the internet became a struggle and was a constant struggle for a while. In high school, I wasn’t into pornography on the internet that much although I would look on occasions. In college, it became more of a struggle because I had more alone time. I went through phases where I wouldn’t look at it at all and didn’t want to look at it because I knew it was wrong, and then I would slowly ease into a phase where I looked at it again. I came to a point where I was sick of doing something that I knew wasn’t going to bring complete satisfaction. I was searching for instant pleasure rather than delayed satisfaction. Since Adam and Eve were in the garden, our craving for instant gratification has always been present. It's in all aspects of our lives. We want things now. Everything is about convenience to us. I knew that I couldn’t make it on my own in this battle and I was sick of falling into the sin, so I paid and downloaded a software on my computer that would send emails to one of my best friends if I visited a web site that was inappropriate. It was the best thing I have ever done in my life. Once I downloaded the software and developed accountability, I stopped struggling with it. I don't have a desire to look at it anymore praise God. There would be times where I would think about it, but I reminded myself of the COVENANT I made with the Lord and my accountability partner, so by the power of the Spirit I was able to fight the temptation (Matthew 26:41). Once I was able to let that go, I was no longer bound in chains to any of that inappropriate material, and I haven't looked since I made that covenant with God and with my friend. There is nothing like the feeling of being FREE from that way of life. NO GUILT. NO SHAME. I know many people have different problems, and I'm here to tell you that the Lord can DELIVER you from whatever you are struggling with in your life. I don't know what your area is, but the Lord wants to deliver you from it if you will let Him. The devil wants to make you feel defeated, but there is VICTORY in Jesus Christ. Hallelujah.
Accountability is what helped me attack another area of my life that I struggled in. I found out accountability is someone that is willing to step on your toes and get ALL IN YOUR BUSINESS. Once you choose someone to become your accountability partner, you are making yourself vulnerable so choose that person wisely. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Satan wants you to fear that because once you get it out, that's when you can begin to change.
"A person who confesses their sins in the presence of a brother or sister knows that he or she is no longer alone with themselves. They can experience the presence of God in the reality of the others." Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I committed myself to being a virgin years ago and I have maintained that, but I have given into sexual temptations. I always told myself that I wanted to save myself for marriage because I felt it was sacred and intimate, and I wanted to let my wife know that I waited for her. I ‘ve had to remind myself that a self-righteous attitude about that is completely wrong and I’ve had that creep in often. Many times, we think if we aren't doing as much as someone else then we are "better" and that justification makes us feel better, but it's wrong either way because it's sin and God hates sin. I allowed myself to give into sexual temptations because my reasons for not doing it were based on performance rather than love for Christ. I was raised in the church, so I always saw it as “bad” and I wanted to stay away from it and say no, but that can only last so long. It wasn’t until I realized it was MY SIN that put Jesus on the cross. But, it was HIS LOVE FOR ME THAT HELD HIM THERE. I would participate in inappropriate conversations on social media and in person. I would allow myself to talk about things that were completely wrong and inappropriate, but I would justify what I did or what I was doing by comparing myself to another person. I forgot that the STANDARD was Jesus Christ. I was using other people as my standard. There was no true repentance in my life after I committed my sins. I was only saying sorry because I felt bad. At that time, I didn't see my sin as being grieving to the Lord. I got sick of living in this world because I knew I wanted to be a husband that loved my wife and never left her or cheated on her. I wanted to be a father that could look my child in the eyes and tell them what it means to be pure and be a man that fears God. I wanted to be a man of God that could talk to other young men about the importance of purity and clinging to Christ in all aspects of life. I wanted to be able to mold young men to boldly follow after Christ and let them know that by the power of the Spirit it was possible. I knew if I didn’t get a grip on these things now, how would I control my urges or desires in the future? I wanted to look at women as sisters and in purity, but I had failed at that for so long. I wanted to know that I could look at a woman and not let my thoughts or desires become inappropriate. I was reminded that every single woman was a woman that God loved and cherished. I began to see women as a daughter to someone. I began to think about my sister. I love her with all of my heart as if she was my child. I began to think about how much I wanted her to marry a man that was God fearing yet I was a man that was allowing my flesh to creep in all the time. I began to think if I had a child one day and she was a girl, how could I trust men if I wasn’t doing anything to be different than other men in the world? Most guys know what to say and how to say it, and I didn’t want to be that guy. Something had to change. I knew I had to make a stand because I had fallen, and I didn't see anybody around me addressing these issues. I truly believe the NUMBER ONE failure for men today is their inability to fight sexual temptation. I'm aware of married men that are cheating on their wives. I know married men that struggle with pornography. I knew it was time. I knew that if men were going to start being men then something had to be done. It wasn't going to just happen because somebody wanted it to. I knew it was going to take stirring some things up for the Lord to be able to do what He wants. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable and transparent about my personal life so that we can begin to be the church. My accountability partner became a REAL accountability partner when these questions were asked one night: WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? WHAT SIN IS HOLDING YOU BACK?
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16
I want you to complete a self-examination in your own heart and life. What's your secret? What is keeping you from being able to truly experience the power of God at work in your life? What area is hindering you from being who God wants you to be? Unconfessed sin is hindering the Spirit from manifesting Himself in powerful ways. But, if we will understand that grace is bigger than our sin and lay our pride down at the foot of the cross, we can admit our mistakes and approach the throne of grace boldly. If you're hiding something, it's time to let it go.
Acknowledge it. Confess. Repent. Move forward.
To all my men, it's time for a change. We can't keep living in that sin and being defeated by it, and we can't let our brothers be defeated either. If we are MEN, we call each other out in love and remind one another of the ultimate standard which has been established by God himself. To all the women, it's time for you to be real with one another as well. Don't hide things from others because it creates a barrier between you and God.
My prayer is that the Holy Spirit would use this to begin a revival in your life. I'm trusting Him for that. I look forward to the work the Lord is going to do.
Keep it real!
Good Word.. Similar story to mine...
ReplyDeleteDefinitely would take back all the photos, images, video, etc. the night my future wife (at the time) and I spoke about our past failures. Amazing how the Lord will take something as disgusting as that and use it for His Glory. We are prime examples of what He can do.
Gotta get sin out of the camp (Joshua 7)... abhor evil (Romans 12:9)...
By the way, I hate we didn't get to be closer friends throughout the years.
-Josh Boren
Thank you for your transparency brother. Amazing and real post right here. The Gospel was woven throughout it. Praise God for the freedom we have in Christ. May we reflect on the Gospel and what He has done for us each and every day. Accountability is certainly an area I need to be more intentional about. Thank you for challenging and encouraging us to be real men. May the Spirit work in this generation of men and women for our good and His glory.
ReplyDeleteHey Tyson,
ReplyDeleteThis might be a helpful counter-argument to keep the conversation going. In the passage below, John Galt, the hero in Ayn Rand's book Atlas Shrugged, addresses the United States concerning "this...age of moral crisis". He explains the cause of the crisis, it's power, and it's solution. What do you think?
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“Yes, this is an age of moral crisis. Yes, you are bearing punishment for your evil. But it is not man who is now on trial and it is not human nature that will take the blame. It is your moral code that’s through, this time. Your moral code has reached its climax, the blind alley at the end of its course. And if you wish to go on living, what you now need is not to return to morality-you who have never known any-but to discover it.
“You have heard no concepts of morality but the mystical or the social. You have been taught that morality is a code of behavior imposed on you by whim, the whim of a supernatural power or the whim of society, to serve God’s purpose or your neighbor’s welfare, to please an authority beyond the grave or else next door-but not to serve your life or pleasure. Your pleasure, you have been taught, is to be found in immorality, your interests would best be served by evil, and any moral code must be designed not for you, but against you, not to further your life, but to drain it.
“For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it belongs to your neighbors-between those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and that the good is to live it.
“Both sides agreed that morality demands the surrender of your self-interest and of your mind, that the moral and the practical are opposites, that morality is not the province of reason, but the province of faith and force. Both sides agreed that no rational morality is possible, that there is no right or wrong in reason-that in reason there’s no reason to be moral.
“Whatever else they fought about, it was against man’s mind that all your moralists have stood united. It was man’s mind that all their schemes and systems were intended to despoil and destroy. Now choose to perish or to learn that the anti-mind is the anti-life.
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
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Here is a passage from the same book where the "state" is showsing where it derives its power over its citizens. The theme of power through accepted guilt is central here which ties very well into your post:
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"Did you really think we want those laws observed?" said Dr. Ferris. "We want them to be broken. You'd better get it straight that it's not a bunch of boy scouts you're up against... We're after power and we mean it... There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What's there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced or objectively interpreted – and you create a nation of law-breakers – and then you cash in on guilt. Now that's the system, Mr. Reardon, that's the game, and once you understand it, you'll be much easier to deal with."
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
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Thoughts?
Thank you Tyson for sharing! It takes courage to "be real" and the Lord can use that in a mighty way! Truly James 5:17 gives us hope -- if we will pray and confess, we CAN BE HEALED!! --Accountability is SO IMPORTANT for ALL of us!! (*see Ecclesiastes 4:9-12*) -- And if there is ANYONE in the Golden Triangle looking for Accountiblity; Discipleship or Biblical Counsel there is a Bible Fellowship on Bluecutt Road in Columbus called "BLUECUTT CHAPEL" whose ministry is just that!! A place with Bible believing Christians who have a heart for accountiblity and personal growth in our relationship with Jesus Christ! Please feel free to call or come visit :)
ReplyDeletePressing on toward the prize, Kelly <>< Proverbs 3:5,6