My last blog
ended with a simple statement that read:
It all began with a cup of
coffee and lead to a proposal and a wedding. Maybe the next cup of coffee will
lead to kids..
Wellllll…. Since our wedding
night, I’ve had quite a bit of coffee and our baby boy, Zeke, was born November
24, 2014. Things have been crazy to say the least. I’ve become a husband and a
father in less than 10 months.
The last time I
posted something, it was about being married. As I write this, I have an
incredible view. It’s not the view of the ocean from the sand or the view of
the mountains from a cabin with a cup of coffee in hand, although I’m a fan of
both of those. It’s the view of my son that I can see as I look over the top of
my laptop. This view is breathtaking. It’s surreal. I sit here and wonder what
he will be like in the years to come. I wonder what his personality will be
like. Will he enjoy school? Will he enjoy sports? Will he want to go to
college? The list goes on but the biggest question I think that comes to my mind
is will he be able to say his dad, me, loved Him in a way that pointed him to
Jesus?
Now that’s a
question that has some weight to it.
Although I love
my son, my marriage comes before him. When Christa and I said “I do” on
February 8, 2014 and we became one flesh, we entered into a covenant with each
other. Our covenant is life-long. Our covenant is what pushes us to love one
another even when we don’t “feel” like it. Our marriage comes before our child.
Why? If our marriage is strong and our relationship is healthy, we can love our
child the way he needs to be loved.
Marriage: How
would I describe it? A gift. A blessing. A lot of work.
Growing up,
marriage was something that I always desired. I dreamed of being able to sit
around the dinner table and eat a meal with my wife and kids. I imagined what
it would be like to come home from a long day at work to see my wife and hear
someone say something like “daddy’s home” or "hey baby, how was your day?" I wondered what it would be like to
enjoy the simple things in life like getting home from work and being able to
spend time with my own family. These were all ideas I had while I was growing
up, and things are beginning to become real for me. I’ve been married for 10
months now and things are just moving right along.
One of the best
things I’ve experienced in marriage has been pulling into my driveway at night
and in the depths of my soul knowing I’m in love with one woman and I’ve been
faithful to her. Praise the Lord for what He has done in my heart because if it
wasn’t for Him, my pulling into the driveway wouldn’t be peaceful if I was
trying to hide something from my wife. I’ve come to realize this in my
marriage, seeing the ordinary things as extraordinary creates a heart of
gratitude.
So, is marriage
full of sweet, romantic, affectionate nights where you look one another in the
eyes and get swept away by the other persons’ presence? Is my wife a queen that
meets my every need and I don’t lack because she has everything I’ll ever need?
As a husband, am I my wife’s knight in shining armor that fulfills her every
need?
I mean surely
our marriage is full of butterflies, goose bumps, and feelings of bliss, right?
There is no way there are times within our marriage where we have to fight for
love and fight to love one another because one has sinned against the other,
right? I mean, marriage, has fulfilled all my goals, dreams, desires, and longings,
right? Surely, being able to have sex whenever you want was the “fix” to all
sexual desires, right?
Oh the lies the
enemy wants us to believe before and during marriage. These “simple” statements
will absolutely bring disaster to you, your spouse, and your marriage if you
really think that’s what marriage is all about. The biggest truth I learned prior
to marriage and still believe to be 100% true is this:
“My wife can’t
be my savior.”
If there is one
thing that I believe to be truer than anything in marriage it’s this: whenever
I make my wife my savior, she becomes an idol. When I elevate her to this place,
she’s destined to let me down, and I’m destined to see her as a crappy savior. Your spouse/future spouse can't be your savior.
If you’re
married and you’ve been disappointed in marriage because it hasn’t been what
you thought it would be, it’s probably because you came in with unrealistic
expectations about marriage. You have to take a step back and realize that your
spouse can’t be everything you want him/her to be. That’s a sobering truth for
many. Truth, at times, is devastating but it's also liberating.
If you’re
single, I encourage you to stay away from books, movies, and television shows
that portray a false idea of love that you begin to desire. There is no person
in the entire world that can fulfill your every need. You will NEVER find
someone that is perfect and you will NEVER find someone that can give you all
you need. You will NEVER be perfect for someone either. If you’re able to
understand this prior to marriage, you will save yourself, and your spouse, a
lot of pain and confusion.
The biggest lie
that many men (and women) believe is when they finally get married and find
“the one” life is just dandy. Don’t believe it. It’s not true.
Marriage is
amazing when Jesus is the center and the husband and wife see themselves as
broken people that can’t fulfill the needs of the other without Jesus Christ. A marriage that has Christ as the foundation will meet obstacles head
on and work their way through them. There will still be hard days, hard
conversations, and hard seasons, but those “hard” things are softened when
Christ is elevated. Believe it or not, a marriage that has Christ at the center
will not only be fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling at times, but there will be
great, hot, intimate sex. J
Why? Because you
realize that sex isn’t for you. It’s for the glory of God and it’s to serve
your spouse. Now THAT isn’t in movies or in books, but I can assure you, from
experience, that seeing sex as a gift from God, for His glory, is pretty fun and
productive! J
My passion is for
men to be who God has called them to be is still present and will always be
something that drives me in my life. As a father, I think my passion has been
reignited in this area. Manhood has been reduced to boyish behaviors and the
saddest part of all is many have accepted these behaviors as being manly.
What do we have
in culture right now? We have many grown boys that shave. We have so many boys
that want the privileges of adulthood without the responsibilities. There are
many that are more concerned with their paycheck than they are with the path of
their family and kids.
A manhood reality
for many in our current culture:
Men are lonely
and hurting but don’t know what to do with their pain. They turn to excessive
work, women, alcohol, drugs, and/or other things that provide momentary
pleasure but never fully satisfy.
A mission worth
living for and a task worth dying for is one that upholds Jesus as King. I
think the way we, as men and women, can do this is by loving our neighbors. We can truly
promote Jesus as King when we begin to see needs around us and rather than
talking about what needs to be done, we begin doing things that need to be
done. A man doesn’t talk about what needs to be done and let it remain as is; a
man sees what needs to be done and becomes part of the solution.
My heart’s
desire for my family is that we will be on mission for the Kingdom of God. Will it be hard? Every. Single. Day. Will it be worth it? Absolutely!
As I think about
my wife, my son, and our family, I believe our mission, together, is summed up
best in the book of Isaiah.
“The Spirit of the
Lord GOD is upon me, because
the LORD has anointed
me to bring
good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are
bound; to proclaim
the year of the LORD’s
favor, and
the day of vengeance of our God; to
comfort all who mourn;” Isaiah 61:1-2
Lord, help us do these things for your glory. For those of
you that read this blog, I pray this encourages you to be on mission for the Kingdom
wherever you are in your life.
Until next time J
Love,
Tyson
