Tuesday, December 9, 2014

A wife. A baby. A mission.

My last blog ended with a simple statement that read:
It all began with a cup of coffee and lead to a proposal and a wedding. Maybe the next cup of coffee will lead to kids..

Wellllll…. Since our wedding night, I’ve had quite a bit of coffee and our baby boy, Zeke, was born November 24, 2014. Things have been crazy to say the least. I’ve become a husband and a father in less than 10 months.

The last time I posted something, it was about being married. As I write this, I have an incredible view. It’s not the view of the ocean from the sand or the view of the mountains from a cabin with a cup of coffee in hand, although I’m a fan of both of those. It’s the view of my son that I can see as I look over the top of my laptop. This view is breathtaking. It’s surreal. I sit here and wonder what he will be like in the years to come. I wonder what his personality will be like. Will he enjoy school? Will he enjoy sports? Will he want to go to college? The list goes on but the biggest question I think that comes to my mind is will he be able to say his dad, me, loved Him in a way that pointed him to Jesus?

Now that’s a question that has some weight to it.

Although I love my son, my marriage comes before him. When Christa and I said “I do” on February 8, 2014 and we became one flesh, we entered into a covenant with each other. Our covenant is life-long. Our covenant is what pushes us to love one another even when we don’t “feel” like it. Our marriage comes before our child. Why? If our marriage is strong and our relationship is healthy, we can love our child the way he needs to be loved.

Marriage: How would I describe it? A gift. A blessing. A lot of work.
Growing up, marriage was something that I always desired. I dreamed of being able to sit around the dinner table and eat a meal with my wife and kids. I imagined what it would be like to come home from a long day at work to see my wife and hear someone say something like “daddy’s home” or "hey baby, how was your day?" I wondered what it would be like to enjoy the simple things in life like getting home from work and being able to spend time with my own family. These were all ideas I had while I was growing up, and things are beginning to become real for me. I’ve been married for 10 months now and things are just moving right along.

One of the best things I’ve experienced in marriage has been pulling into my driveway at night and in the depths of my soul knowing I’m in love with one woman and I’ve been faithful to her. Praise the Lord for what He has done in my heart because if it wasn’t for Him, my pulling into the driveway wouldn’t be peaceful if I was trying to hide something from my wife. I’ve come to realize this in my marriage, seeing the ordinary things as extraordinary creates a heart of gratitude.

So, is marriage full of sweet, romantic, affectionate nights where you look one another in the eyes and get swept away by the other persons’ presence? Is my wife a queen that meets my every need and I don’t lack because she has everything I’ll ever need? As a husband, am I my wife’s knight in shining armor that fulfills her every need?

I mean surely our marriage is full of butterflies, goose bumps, and feelings of bliss, right? There is no way there are times within our marriage where we have to fight for love and fight to love one another because one has sinned against the other, right? I mean, marriage, has fulfilled all my goals, dreams, desires, and longings, right? Surely, being able to have sex whenever you want was the “fix” to all sexual desires, right?

Oh the lies the enemy wants us to believe before and during marriage. These “simple” statements will absolutely bring disaster to you, your spouse, and your marriage if you really think that’s what marriage is all about. The biggest truth I learned prior to marriage and still believe to be 100% true is this:

“My wife can’t be my savior.”

If there is one thing that I believe to be truer than anything in marriage it’s this: whenever I make my wife my savior, she becomes an idol. When I elevate her to this place, she’s destined to let me down, and I’m destined to see her as a crappy savior. Your spouse/future spouse can't be your savior.

If you’re married and you’ve been disappointed in marriage because it hasn’t been what you thought it would be, it’s probably because you came in with unrealistic expectations about marriage. You have to take a step back and realize that your spouse can’t be everything you want him/her to be. That’s a sobering truth for many. Truth, at times, is devastating but it's also liberating. 

If you’re single, I encourage you to stay away from books, movies, and television shows that portray a false idea of love that you begin to desire. There is no person in the entire world that can fulfill your every need. You will NEVER find someone that is perfect and you will NEVER find someone that can give you all you need. You will NEVER be perfect for someone either. If you’re able to understand this prior to marriage, you will save yourself, and your spouse, a lot of pain and confusion.

The biggest lie that many men (and women) believe is when they finally get married and find “the one” life is just dandy. Don’t believe it. It’s not true.  

Marriage is amazing when Jesus is the center and the husband and wife see themselves as broken people that can’t fulfill the needs of the other without Jesus Christ. A marriage that has Christ as the foundation will meet obstacles head on and work their way through them. There will still be hard days, hard conversations, and hard seasons, but those “hard” things are softened when Christ is elevated. Believe it or not, a marriage that has Christ at the center will not only be fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling at times, but there will be great, hot, intimate sex. J

Why? Because you realize that sex isn’t for you. It’s for the glory of God and it’s to serve your spouse. Now THAT isn’t in movies or in books, but I can assure you, from experience, that seeing sex as a gift from God, for His glory, is pretty fun and productive! J

My passion is for men to be who God has called them to be is still present and will always be something that drives me in my life. As a father, I think my passion has been reignited in this area. Manhood has been reduced to boyish behaviors and the saddest part of all is many have accepted these behaviors as being manly.

What do we have in culture right now? We have many grown boys that shave. We have so many boys that want the privileges of adulthood without the responsibilities. There are many that are more concerned with their paycheck than they are with the path of their family and kids.

A manhood reality for many in our current culture:
Men are lonely and hurting but don’t know what to do with their pain. They turn to excessive work, women, alcohol, drugs, and/or other things that provide momentary pleasure but never fully satisfy.

A mission worth living for and a task worth dying for is one that upholds Jesus as King. I think the way we, as men and women, can do this is by loving our neighbors. We can truly promote Jesus as King when we begin to see needs around us and rather than talking about what needs to be done, we begin doing things that need to be done. A man doesn’t talk about what needs to be done and let it remain as is; a man sees what needs to be done and becomes part of the solution.

My heart’s desire for my family is that we will be on mission for the Kingdom of God. Will it be hard? Every. Single. Day. Will it be worth it? Absolutely!

As I think about my wife, my son, and our family, I believe our mission, together, is summed up best in the book of Isaiah.

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn;” Isaiah 61:1-2

Lord, help us do these things for your glory. For those of you that read this blog, I pray this encourages you to be on mission for the Kingdom wherever you are in your life.

Until next time J 



1 comment:

  1. Tyson, what a great post.

    Thank you so much for sharing what has been on your heart and what you have been learning in the last 10 months. I am so excited for you and Christa and little baby Zeke!
    I am so grateful for your influence in so many young men's lives and the role model they have in you through Christ. It's so refreshing to see a couple hunger after the Lord, give back to the community in immeasurable ways, and glorify the Lord in their marriage. Thank you for being a walking testimony of a gospel-centered marriage. So blessed to call you guys friends.
    Renee Young